Patience Isn’t My Strong Suit: A (Mostly) Patient Reflection on Impatience

Be patient.

Patience is a virtue.

I sat in front of my psychiatrist last week giddily laying out in detail my progress and plans for myself during my leave of absence. These plans, I might add, deserve being in the best Prezi presentation! In response, he gazed at me, chuckled, and said: “Patience isn’t really your strong suit, eh?”

The audacity of this man! I could argue, of course, I could list the times I’ve waited for things – but I’m too impatient to do this right now. 8) Oh, maybe he’s onto something.

Well, doc, who can blame me? I just want to do what I want to do, feel what I think is good, and y’know, live life. But as I trudged on home along the standstill traffic, I gave a lil’ bit more thought into this. After all, I do some of my best mental work in the car (please friends, I drive super well still). Why am I so impatient? How do I trust in the process?

Is it… A hyperactive mind? A society that glorifies near-instantaneous results? Lingering shadows of trauma? All the above and more? If you took multiple choice exams like me, and I always chose the “all of the above” option to my detriment, then I think we’re on the same page 8).

Take trauma for instance. Healing takes time. I – and perhaps you – missed out on a lifetime of validation, love, and support. In return, our brain must take time to rewire itself through positive experiences, and that can only happen so fast. It’s double the work unlearning, relearning, and taking care of ourselves.

Impatience whispers to us the promise of immediacy. It’s a false notion, however infinitely tempting, that speed equals satisfaction. The restlessness of the mind lurks underneath the mask of urgency. It is a mind unwilling to trust in the process.

The same logic manifests in a lot of places too – good things will come when they do. A delicious miso-marinated soft-boiled egg needs time to marinate. Meaningful relationships and dynamics take time to nurture. And that waiting and trusting lends itself to a certain beauty.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that surrendering everything to time is the way to go. No, but like Paul Rudd’s character, Ben Glenroy, said to Selena Gomez’s Mabel: I can afford to take my time, I just cannot afford to waste it.

Let the process play out. Work on the things that you can control. Let the things you can’t work its course. Maybe if Gretchen was a bit more patient, she could’ve made fetch happen 8).

All in good time. Or not. And that’s okay too. Deep breaths 8).